The past two weeks, I’ve been sitting with two very real, very conflicting feelings: deep gratitude for the life I’m building here in Australia, and deep longing for the family and life I left behind in the UK. I have so many contrasting goals in both the UK and Australia and it feels utterly confusing. I have ongoing health issues that I’m struggling to navigate and I sometimes forget how much of a big thing it is to move to another country – so many things have changed.

I find it really frustrating that my hormones and my cycle really impact my energy, motivation, and engagement with things that matter to me, like this blog. I always wanted this blog to be an honest corner of the internet, a place where people can feel their own struggles or experiences reflected in some way so they feel less alone. I just really struggle to put myself out there when I am feeling this way.

This blog post will likely be a little different to normal, as rather than it being an advice piece or a recommendation, it mostly just covers the raw feelings I’ve been experiencing recently.

Hormones, Emotions & Changes

As women, I think it is extremely important that we take a step back sometimes when we don’t feel we can put our 100% into something, and recognise that there is a reason why. Whilst men have a 24 hour hormonal cycle, making their energy levels and hormones pretty much static and consistent, women go through (on average) a 28 day cycle, with four different phases, which can significantly impact our energy levels, moods, mental health, physical appearance, and stress levels, especially when dealing with conditions such as endometriosis, adenomyosis, or PCOS which can completely throw everything off even more.

One of the things I have had the time and space to reflect on since moving to Australia is how long I have been just pushing through the bad symptoms I experience every month because of medical gaslighting and feeling hopeless with the options that are offered to women with these conditions. Like, do I really have to go straight to surgery just to be told what’s wrong with me, or take a pill that I know has messed me up previously? It really gets to me sometimes because I have around 4 days-7 days a month where I feel like a ‘normal’ person, with good energy levels, skin, mood etc. These symptoms coupled with how difficult I find sticking to a routine, not getting distracted etc on top of that can sometimes feel debilitating.

How much these things impact me on a daily basis – it’s not something I tell a lot of people about, even those closest to me. It makes me laugh that when I meet people they think I am this really put together, productive, organised person. The reality is that I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster of these symptoms most of the time and it’s really difficult to function sometimes, and sometimes I feel ashamed of that. One thing I really struggle with, which is why I have made this blog in the beginning, is watching other people my age on social media do all of these productive things, being able to follow busy routines and get everything in whilst I find simple tasks difficult and daunting on some days. I clean my apartment every day, only for it to be messy and trashed the next day. It’s a lot, let alone navitating moving to the other side of the world and figuring out what it is that I want to do with my life lol.

One of the things I have decided to do that I know works for me is educating myself – on what it is that my body needs with these issues in mind at different stages of my cycle. I think sometimes the reason I get so frustrated with myself is because I start a new exercise routine only to not be able to keep consistent the next week because I’m in pain or feel really down. I really want to find what works for me personally so that I can start to implement some sense of order in my life so I can achieve the things I want to. When I speak to my clients, friends, or even new people I meet in Australia, it is crazy to know how many other women suffer with these issues in silence. I want anyone who is reading this to know that you’re not alone and I am always open for conversations around these issues, as they can feel really isolating.

The Beauty and Ache of Growth

One of the most amazing changes I have made recently is putting myself out there and making friends here in Australia. I have met so many lovely girls who I have been having deep life conversations with, coffee dates, and walks and it just shows that there are always people out there that are ready to meet you where you are and want to connect, imperfections, issues and all!

However, one of the weirdest feelings I have felt recently is a sense of grief- of leaving behind one life I had built in the UK (my home) whilst simultaneously feeling so much gratitude, awe and joy in this country, we’re just about ready to buy a car for all of our adventures and I can’t wait! But it can be really overwhelming and isolating when there is no one else that understands the experience you are going through and these opposing feelings you’re having.

Two Things Can Exist At Once

One of the main lessons I have learned in therapy is the fact that two opposing truths can exist at once, and that is ok. There isn’t a need to think black and white when this life is layered and multifaceted… and one thing I always forget? This is NORMAL, and I am lucky to have two lives that are both incredible. As someone who feels everything so deeply (esp with the hormonal issues on top) it can just sometimes really get to me.

The place I am at now is trying to recognise the opportunity in front of me and not letting these feelings take over the experience , allowing myself to be both homesick and happy at the same time.

This is your reminder that you are allowed to feel and hold two different feelings at once too, whatever it’s about.

A bit of a different one this week, but I just feel so overwhelmed, irritated and mood swingy ahah. So excited to get out of period stage now to rebuild once again.

Hope you are all doing well, always here to chat.

Megs xx